Random Acts of Poetry: Giving

I love you
I opened myself to you
and gave you my love
I gave you:
Me
I gave you my smile
Every heart beat that my heart made
I offered up as a gift to you
The song of my soul became yours
I gave you the brown of my eyes:
both the dark brown when I'm angry
and the light brown when the sun kisses them
I gave you the warmth of my skin beneath cold fingers
I gave you hot kisses and smoldering embraces
But that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my joy:
I stopped my fingers from writing and I stopped my eyes from reading and I took only joy in giving you my joy
I stopped singing loudly to country music and only opened my mouth to sing your praises
but that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my happiness
I stopped spending time in bookstores and libraries and I gave you my time
I stopped seeing my friends and stayed with you
I spent time at home, alone, so that you would know where I was
I gave up my womb to you,
I closed it down because you don't like children
I gave up the laughter of my unborn children for your comfort
but that didn't seem enough
So I gave up my meals
I spent my time hugging my toilet, offering up my insides so that I would look like the women you talk to online when you think I'm not looking
I began to run in circles, running the fat away, running the weight away, so that you can feel my bones when we embrace
You love my bones, you love my fatless frame
But that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my sanity
I spend hours upon hours obsessing over who you are talking to
Who are you spending time with
Who is lying beneath you when I am not lying beneath you
Who do you give yourself to
Who are you giving ME to,
because you have me, completely
I no longer have anything, not even myself
I spend my time crying, sobbing, upset, alone,
and lonely
so lonely
so very very lonely
but that doesn't seem to be enough
So I will give you my life.
I sit here with the gun in my mouth.
There is one bullet in the chamber.
I will pull the trigger and give you the only thing I have left.
Maybe my blood, my lifeless form will be enough.
I have nothing left to give.
Why wasn't my love enough?
***What else can you give when you've given your all?***