Random Acts of Poetry: The Man Who Wasn't There

I can't sleep
I strain to keep my eyes open
and my mind alert
I'm not ready to slumber
To allow my mind to go
where it naturally goes
once I let go of it
So I guess it's not that I can't sleep
I simply don't want to
I don't want to see you there
because I can't control what happens
I wonder if you meet me there on purpose
I wonder if that is where you allow your body to say
what your heart feels
where your eyes tell me all your secrets
All the secrets that I know,
but choose not to acknowledge
because to acknowledge means I must act on them
And "acting" isn't something I do well
When I close my eyes to sleep, I see you
You're waiting for me
Always in the corner, almost out of sight
but not quite
Never saying anything, but saying so much
You're waiting for me
I can't help but go to you
Can't help but long to be near you
The longing between us a tangible thing
Loud, so loud
The sound of our loneliness a melody for this dream
If I can hear you this time, I might lose it
I might lose the edge of sanity that I have been holding on to
Because, when I'm sane, I am happy in my life
I do not want you, nor think of you, nor miss you
but I've never been quite sane
I can't help but show my agony when my mind drifts to you
as it always somehow does
I can turn my mind back to reality when I'm awake
but, oh, when I'm sleep
When I'm sleep, I'm yours
completely
We fit together like we were made together
Your fingertips leave trails of fire everywhere you touch me
I burn with a desire that I haven't known since you left
Flames engulf me
Smoke surrounds us
The lonely love song now one of erotic ecstasy
God, how I've missed your body against mine
Your lips on mine, your arms around me,
you inside me
You know it,
your eyes say it, your fingers acknowledge it
I feel it with every move of your body
I lay my head against your chest
I ask you: what took so long?
why won't you come back to me?
why won't you tell me what your eyes are trying to say?
I feel a rumble in your chest
You are going to tell me
I look into your eyes, they pierce me,
they want me to know
I want to hear anything, anything in your voice
say anything to me in your "i-love-you" voice
Tell me you hate me
Tell me I'm trash
Tell me you love me more now than you ever have
say
anything
Your lips part and sunlight shines on my wet face
Tears leaking, body exhausted
I try to get back to sleep, to hear what you wanted to tell me
But I can't
I'm awake, where sanity reigns supreme
And you're not here
You're never here
But I know where you are
and I know where I can see you again