Random Acts of Poetry: Insanity in 343 Words

I want to say that loving you was a waste of time

But I’ve never been a liar and

I don’t intend on becoming one now

Loving you showed me a side of myself that I

Didn’t know existed

But it also showed me that

The side you brought out of me

Belonged buried

There was a sense of shame in loving you

You took advantage of me

You took what was sweet inside of me

And turned it bitter

What was once warm, is now cold

What once loved company and light,

Now seeks the darkness and solitude

Don’t talk to me

Please talk to me

Maybe if I understood what is going on inside me

I could fix it

So that I can share my warmth with someone else

Loving you brought out the best in me

But you took that when you left

I don’t know how to replenish my stock

I have lost my sense of direction

I have lost my bearings

I have lost everything I knew to be mine

Everything that I knew to be me

Here I am

Empty, a shell of what used to be

You have me inside you, you’re just too fucking selfish to give it back

You’re not doing anything with it,

You just don’t want me to give it to anyone else

And you don’t want me

I’m not sure what hurts more

That I gave you everything

Or that you didn’t deserve it

I used to cry at the thought of you

Then I used to dream of murdering you

Then I cried again

I’m all cried out

Murder looks good to me now

Because, right at the moment of your death

I can suck in your last breath and get back what you stole from me

I gave it to you, but you stole it from me because you knew you were taking it under false pretenses

It is mine, I WILL have it

Or I will have you

Hand over your heart, or let me borrow your gun

Might as Well Say It Part 4

I am a mother to a daughter and I have been dismayed at the things that runs through the minds of girls her age. While she was in 2nd grade, she told me that there was a group of girls that was mean to her and my first thought was: "That clique-shit starts in elementary school?!" Apparantly, my daughter asked a girl to move out her way (her exact words were: Excuse me, I am trying to get by, please.) and apparantly this was much too nice for the little girl who told her: "I dont have to move for you". Now my daughter, sensitive soul she is, was very upset by this because, in her mind, she had done everything right: she said please, was polite, and asked nicely if the girl would let her by. She came home from school very upset about it and I had to reveal to her a great shocker: some people are mean just to be mean. Bewildered, she asked: So should I be mean?
Now this was kind of a hard question for me, even though it should've been easy because I believe that nasty people are just unhappy people and need to be loved back to the real world (idealistic, but true) but this can't be the case for 7 yr olds. No way. I'm sure these little heathens were mean because their parents taught them that this was an acceptable way to behave. I wanted to tell her to blast them and tell em that their parents hadn't taught them manners and that being mean now was going to cause heartache later or to even just push past them next time without excusing herself. All of these, of course, are bad responses, but I had my 6yr old crying in front of me about bad treatment and I wanted vengeance!
sigh
But I did what Jesus would do and I taught her a lesson. I asked: Are you a mean person? and she said no. and I asked her: how did it feel when the girls were mean to you? She said: it made me sad because I am nice and they were being rude. They won't be friends with me. I asked: do you want to be friends with them? she said: not anymore. I dont like mean people. It must be sad to be mean all the time.
I told her it took a lot of energy and time to be mean to people and she should always be true to herself and who she was. Then I asked her: Who are you?
she said: I'm a nice person. And I am a good friend, but they won't know it, because I can't be friends with meanies.
Lesson learned.
But it brought up the neverending question:
WTH are these parents teaching/not teaching their children? I have visited my kids school on numerous occasions and I have seen kids teasing each other about who got the new Jordans when they first came out vs. who got them a few weeks afterwards and who was stupid and who got all F's on their report cards...I have seen some deplorable behavior, and my kids are in elementary. I balk at the thought of what goes on in junior high and high school. I mean, and stop me if I am wrong: what 8yr old needs to know what day Jordans come out? I can understand about kids liking shoes, but should an 8yr old be following shoe trends that closely?
and what about the little girls who wear uniform skirts so short they show pantylines? and knee high boots? and high-wedge sandals? and weaves down their backs? I actually heard an argument between two girls about whose belly was flatter...why should this be a hot topic?
It truly scares/disheartens me that these kids are our future...While I try to positively influence every child that comes across my path, I can't touch them all. And if the parents are not taking the time to lead them to greatness, then the popular media will get them. We will have a bunch of Nikkis and Waynes on our hands...and we see how great THATS turning out...
Am I the only one alarmed that our children can sing every song on  the radio, but cant read a book? My daughter's teacher was surprised that my daughter can read 2 grade levels higher than she expected...
I think that if parents spent just HALF the effort on reading to their children and spending quality time with them than dressing them in the "flyest gear", then we would be raising the next generation of innovators, inventors and leaders instead of the next great prison and baby-mama population...
Parents need to raise their children or STRAP UP
Yup, I said it! Prove me wrong! or better yet, go read to your child!
Stay Tuned
The truth, the whole and nuttin but

Might as Well Say It Part 3: The Gross Misuse of the Term "Hater"

Ok, so you know its PAST the time where it had to be said, and since I'm here, I might as well say it:
YOU DO NOT HAVE HATERS
Yes, I am talking to you.
Dont look around, YOU! You sitting in front of your computer/cell phone/ipad or whatever platform that you are using to view this right now. Yes you.
You do not have "haters" because no one cares enough about you to hate you. No one spends enough time and energy it takes to actually hate a person. Believe me, you spend more time "shaking haters off" than anyone would spend trying to be "on" you.
At some point in time, some rapper thought it would be cool to coin the phrase "hater" to describe all people who do not agree with his/her lifestyle and who dared to speak out against him. Dismissing this person as a hater simultaneously makes himself feel important and validates whatever he does as "right". And, just like most hip-hop-ignorance, it trickled down into the communities. Now people will call darn near anyone a hater. Anyone who doesnt agree with them or who disapproves of their lifestyles or who tries to give them any advice that is contrary to what they want to do, that person is automatically a hater.
News Flash
This just in: you are not right all of the time. No one is. Dismissing someone as a hater does not make you right nor does it validate your stupidity.
Instead of telling someone that they are "hating" on you, why dont you ask yourself why they would be giving you advice/telling you something that is the opposite of what you are currently doing...could it be (gasp) that they CARE about you? Or maybe they just want to see you fail. That doesnt mean that they are "hating" on you, it just means that they dont like you. (maybe its because you keep calling them a hater)
Now, lets put this into perspective:
The Jews had haters. They were called the Nazis. And the Nazis attempted to wipe them off the face of the earth. (now thats true hate)
Do you know anyone whose sole purpose in life is to wipe you off the face of the earth? no? then you dont have haters.
I bet that right now youre calling me a "hater" or saying I'm jealous because I have no "haters". Well, youre right about one point: I dont have haters. I wouldnt want to have someone who solely exists to send me bad vibes. Actually, people tend to love me and I prefer it that way. And, for the record, I am not a hater. I actually dont care about you. Not one lick. And I prefer it that way.
Stay tuned.
truth, the whole and nuttin but

Might As Well Say It Part 2

For the last few days I have been on the receiving end of drama. Not an active member, but since I am an awesome listener, people tend to vent to me about their mess. I don't necessarily mind, usually. But I hate when people vent then ask "what should I do?" and when I tell them, they give me 7,000 reasons why they shouldn't follow my advice.
Take for example:
Girl is with guy. Guy treats girl like crap. Girl cries about how much of a dog he is, how she shouldnt be with him, how her life would be better without him. Girl asks: What would you do?
I would leave him and start over. Period.
The next 30 mins of conversation is about how much potential he has, how good he treats her sometimes, how much she loves him and why leaving him is a bad idea. Girl says: I'm so confused.
No you're not. You're freakin retarded. And in denial. But mostly retarded.
Please do not ask for advice if you are not willing to take it. and please don't waste my time talking me to death about a situation that you have no intention on changing or improving. and dont ask me a question that you dont want an honest answer to.

And speaking of drama, I have seen an overflow of people airing their stained drawls on fb every day, every minute. and it seems the status updates are getting more out of control, raunchy and hoodrattish every moment.
It's one thing to use your fb page to express your feelings or vent about something that has angered or upset you. it is quite another thing to take fb and use it as a stage where your whole sordid affair will be played out. As one of the people who unfortunately reads your updates, please note:
most of us dont care about who youre banging (outside of grinning and shaking our heads at how much of a slut you are)
most of us dont care about how much of a douche your last conquest is, as you found out once you met his wife or her husband (whichever applies) and when you "blast" them on fb, it just makes you look like a moron for sleeping with them in the first place when you obviously didnt take the time to get to know them
**side note** when you take time to say how much this person (who has apparently lied/cheated on you and hurt your feelings) didnt mean anything to you, how much you hated them from the start, how youre in love with someone else anyway, so the loser was just second best, please please PLEASE take the time to erase all of your previous statuses that professed love to this person so you dont look even dumber than you do now (if thats possible)

I totally agree with putting people who deserve it on blast, but you cant blast someone who you allowed to treat you like crap. People will do what you allow them to, and when you slept with them on the first night without knowing their name, only met up with them at night and went home right after, was happy just to have them buy you clothes or shoes, but never met the parents or families, and you just didnt want more for yourself, you ALLOWED them to play you. Dont blast them for your own mistake, blast yourself. My bad, you already are. All over my news feed.

I would touch on "relationships gone bad" but that is a totally different and strenuous matter that I must touch on separately, so that you all get the "full feel" for it.

Many of these fb offenders are repeat offenders and there are many readers that feel as I do, but wont say. We keep you on our newsfeeds solely for entertainment. Sometimes I will even look some of you up, just to read your newsfeed for my daily laugh. You guys are jokes. Somebody had to say it. Might as well be me.

Stay tuned.

Might as Well Say It Part 1

I frequently find myself looking at something (usually facebook, but sometimes twitter) and I am yelling at my screen "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" or "THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH I KNOW SOMEONE THIS STUPID!" or I just sit silently, shaking my head and marvel at the fact that I really DO know people that are this stupid.
I then go up to my status bar, sure that today is the day that I finally do it:
Today is the day I start a facebook war.
Now starting a facebook war is very easy, but comes with lengthy and hilarious consequences. All you have to do is write what you think right behind someone who says something generally accepted as retarded. Then the person will respond (and usually this response contains the word "hater" in some way, shape, or form) and then they bait you and bait you and the responses tend to get more and more outrageous as the day goes on (especially if no response is made). Soon, the offended party's friends will join in on the fun and start making comments or posts about the injustice of people expressing an opinion that does not agree with their own (go figure) and before long you've got a full-fledged war. The originating parties are probably done with the whole thing by now, but everyone else continues the war until it blows out of proportion, it reaches the news and nukes are fired (ok, not really, but you see where I'm going with this, right?).
So I tend to grab someone near me and point at my screen and rant about the actions of other people or laugh at the ridiculous and totally unflattering pictures that some person has put up. (y'all know that y'all do it too) that usually works and the feeling passes and I can put up a generic status update and my peers "like" and others read and ignore, mainly because they don't know it was about them.
But, recently, the urge to wage war has been darn near unbearable, so I have decided to share them in a platform that gives me license to voice my thoughts and gives me enough obscurity that I don't have to explain myself.
Since some people have been irritating me so much and I wanna tell em how I feel (and say it wit my chest), I'll do it here. And there are other things that I might as well say while I'm at it.
Stay tuned.
And I am pretty sure some people are thinking that this is kind of a "chicken" way to do things. So what. You're entitled to your opinion and thanks a lot for reading mine.
Always the truth, the whole and nuttin but