The Man Who Wasn't There Part 2

I slept
Soundly at first, because you weren't there
I had wonderful dreams
of success and money and glitz and glamour
I was going to a conference
and I was to meet my husband at the airport
and there you were,
holding my suitcase, with fuschia roses
and a huge smile on your face
"Hey sweetie, ready to go?"
My God
your voice
your voice
you spoke and my whole world stopped
the airport melted away
and I was in your arms
in our bed
our bed
and the things that you whispered in my ear
were the things that I've missed for so long
the things that are only said between lovers
in the darkest hours of the night
and you talked to me the whole night long
your voice and your tongue both in my ear
your hands running familiarly over my body
you inside me, rocking me
rolling with me
controlling me
dominating me
letting me know with every stroke that I belong to you
reminding me with your rhythm that we were made for this
the scene that I've longed for so long
so beautiful
filling that empty space with your love
with your voice
I cry out in passion and fulfilled longing
tears leak from my eyes
happiness and joy and a sense of coming home
of being where I belong saturates me
then the sunlight hits my wet eyes
and I awaken, hugging my pillow
so cold
so alone
you're not here
you're not here
I know where to go to see you
I know where to go when I need you to be mine
But what will I do when you're no longer there?

Internal

I want to take you in me
Inside me
To show you my insides
My blood flow
Show you the things that make me tick
I want to show you how my lungs take in air
then let it out
to show you the electricity of my brain waves
the beating of my eardrum
the wetness of my mouth
the flash of light that my teeth see when I smile
I want you to see my belly
the joy that resides there
how it rumbles from laughter all day long
I must show you my skin, how it's set on fire when you touch it
see the flames in my blood flow?
I want to show you the vibrations of my thigh muscles
the strength in them increased from the frequent squeezing of them to hold you in
I must show you my toes
How they dance and wiggle in laughter
How they curl in ecstasy
How they purr when you're rubbing them
And of course we stop at my waterfall
And even though you've met her quite a few times before
I'm sure the view is more interesting from here
because, see, she melts when you get too close
she floods herself, over and over, the more you touch her
And the shaking vibrations, the squeezing and shuddering are likely to kill her one day
but she loves it
so don't stop
Then I want to show you my heart
Don't be afraid of what you find there, because it is what causes all these wonderful things in my body
Take a look inside my heart
Look in the mirror there
and see what I live for
See what I love for
You are internal...

Random Acts of Poetry: The Man Who Wasn't There

I can't sleep
I strain to keep my eyes open
and my mind alert
I'm not ready to slumber
To allow my mind to go
where it naturally goes
once I let go of it
So I guess it's not that I can't sleep
I simply don't want to
I don't want to see you there
because I can't control what happens
I wonder if you meet me there on purpose
I wonder if that is where you allow your body to say
what your heart feels
where your eyes tell me all your secrets
All the secrets that I know,
but choose not to acknowledge
because to acknowledge means I must act on them
And "acting" isn't something I do well
When I close my eyes to sleep, I see you
You're waiting for me
Always in the corner, almost out of sight
but not quite
Never saying anything, but saying so much
You're waiting for me
I can't help but go to you
Can't help but long to be near you
The longing between us a tangible thing
Loud, so loud
The sound of our loneliness a melody for this dream
If I can hear you this time, I might lose it
I might lose the edge of sanity that I have been holding on to
Because, when I'm sane, I am happy in my life
I do not want you, nor think of you, nor miss you
but I've never been quite sane
I can't help but show my agony when my mind drifts to you
as it always somehow does
I can turn my mind back to reality when I'm awake
but, oh, when I'm sleep
When I'm sleep, I'm yours
completely
We fit together like we were made together
Your fingertips leave trails of fire everywhere you touch me
I burn with a desire that I haven't known since you left
Flames engulf me
Smoke surrounds us
The lonely love song now one of erotic ecstasy
God, how I've missed your body against mine
Your lips on mine, your arms around me,
you inside me
You know it,
your eyes say it, your fingers acknowledge it
I feel it with every move of your body
I lay my head against your chest
I ask you: what took so long?
why won't you come back to me?
why won't you tell me what your eyes are trying to say?
I feel a rumble in your chest
You are going to tell me
I look into your eyes, they pierce me,
they want me to know
I want to hear anything, anything in your voice
say anything to me in your "i-love-you" voice
Tell me you hate me
Tell me I'm trash
Tell me you love me more now than you ever have
say
anything
Your lips part and sunlight shines on my wet face
Tears leaking, body exhausted
I try to get back to sleep, to hear what you wanted to tell me
But I can't
I'm awake, where sanity reigns supreme
And you're not here
You're never here
But I know where you are
and I know where I can see you again