I've noticed something very disturbing amongst young Black women and it's something I call, sarcastically, the "Buckethead Mentality". Young women tend to go through life with a bucket on their heads with eyeholes, allowing them to see very little else besides things that are 5 inches from their faces.
These women are largely socially inept, ignorant, and hopeless; they embrace things that they feel will make them popular amongst other people in their same predicament. Take for example:
Bucket 1 tells Bucket 2 that her child's father (whom she calls her babyfava) has not been to see her son in over a month. Bucket 2 agrees and concurs that her child's father hasn't been to see her child in a long time either. Let me show how the conversation went (based on a real conversation I heard in a Target bathroom):
Bucket 1: Tray ain't been to see Trashae since August! he ain't gave me none of his check eeva (translate: either).
Bucket 2: Fats ain't seen Marquease eeva. He don't even call. Quease be askin bout him and I jus tell em to call his daddy. He won't pick up the phone. he know its Quease callin.
Bucket 1: Tray like that too. He be tellin me to stop callin him when he at his ova babymuva house. I be like Nigga I need diapers and milk for Trashae, u need to gimme some money. He be sayin he broke, but I seen his ova babymuva at the welfare place and his son got on the new foams. that nigga think im stupid. he got money. he got his unemployment yesterday.
Bucket 2: Yup, Fats triflin like that too. Be acting broke when i know he slangin...that nigga got money, always lookin fresh and he ova babymuvas and they kids be fresh too. he jus stingy. good thing my ova babyfava be giving me money or i would always be broke.
Bucket 1: Mike? he still givin you money?
Bucket 2: yeah girl, he take care of Myjay. Be coming ova and playing with her and buying her stuff. he come get her on the weekends sometimes. He a good daddy.
Bucket 1: I need me a good babyfava like that...
(At this point I run out the bathroom because I can't stand to hear anymore shit.) Do I even need to point out the flaws in this conversation? No? Ok, I will anyway:
Both of these women were younger than me. (I'll just say I'm over mid-twenties) and one of them has more than one child by more than one man. Now, I'm not knocking her for that, because sometimes that stuff happens, but it was her description of a "good babyfava" that disturbed me. According to her, a good father for her child was someone who comes over to play with the child and buys the child things. For me, that begs the question of his other requirements. What about being a good influence on the child? What about instructing the child in the way that they should go and be strong for him/her and providing discipline? Also, she talks about how her other child's father doesn't provide monetary support and doesn't visit the child and that makes him "bad". While I agree with her that he is not being a good parent, her description of a good parent is not even close to what it should be. He has other children by other women and he sells drugs. Why would she choose to procreate with him? Yes, accidents happen, but condoms and birth control tend to be very good at thwarting accidents.
While listening to these two women talk (both of whom spoke in loud voices in a public bathroom with no regard to who might be listening) I couldn't help but think of the children. Where were they and what would happen to them under the care of these two women?
So I have decided to compile a list of things that can help the women remove their buckets and be good parents for their children. Here it is:
The Bucket List: (how to remove your buckethead)
1. When choosing a sexual partner, take into accord his number of children and the choice of mothers he has already made. If he has more than 1, then that lets you know:
he's fertile (condoms should be mandatory until you are sure you want a child with him)
he doesn't use protection (which increases the odds that he may have had or has an STD)
2. It's ok to ask your partner to get tested before you copulate with him. If he cares about his health and yours, he won't find this request odd or offensive, he will do it. And he might ask you to do it too.
If his other children's mothers are unemployed, on welfare, young, live in filth, have been to jail or are in jail, ask yourself: do you want to be tangled with these women for the rest of your life? No? Then run away screaming.
3. Watch Baby Boy all the way through. When it ends, watch it again and pay close attention to how miserable the "baby mothers" are and how lazy, trifling and shiftless Jody is. After the second time watching it, watch it again and repeat the mantra: "Jody is a loser, avoid all men like him" Throughout the whole movie. Watch it for a 4th time and the repeat the mantra "I am so much more than a baby mother" (which brings me to point 4)
4. Decide that being a baby mother is not what you want. Don't you want to raise your child with both parents? Don't you want to be something that your child can be proud of? Do you want to raise them in a constant state of drama? Decide that having sex with someone is ok, but making them the father of your child requires a test. Scores beneath 90 are failing and move on to the next one.
5. You can rise above your circumstances. Because you were raised in the "hood" and had to scrape and survive in that environment does not mean that you have to embrace it: you lived in the "hood", that doesn't make you "hood'.
6. Think about your life beyond 2yrs. Having that 'love child' may seem like a romantic idea at the time, but think of the consequences of those actions: where will you and the child's father be 5 yrs from now? if the answer is "not together", wear condoms, get birth control or simply don't have sex with him.
7. Become the woman you WANT to be. If you desire to wear the expensive labels and party all the time, get a degree, start a business, earn your living. Don't have a baby then spend your welfare check on those knockoff Gucci shoes. Earning the nice things that you have will enstill pride in all you do. Mediocrity will not be acceptable anymore. If you want more for yourself, you won't accept less from others.
You can now remove your bucket. Burn it. Don't ever wear it again.
And please ladies, don't get mad at me if you see yourself in this. I speak it because I see it. I grew up in the hood, I had two of my children out of wedlock, I was on welfare for a period of time and I rose above ALL of it. I married my boyfriend and the father of my children (all 3 of em), I earn all the money I have and I work for myself. I came from the hood, but the hood does not, did not and WILL NOT define me.
The truth, the whole and nuttin but.
Stay tuned.
No comments:
Post a Comment