Random Acts of Poetry: My Heart Song, No Song (so random)

I used to be able to pull into myself
I could retreat deep within myself
Shut the world out
and bathe in my hurt
When the hurtwater got cool, I would emerge with new skin
and fresh eyes and attack the world anew
I no longer posess that ability
I tried to pull into myself
To take my pain bath
and I couldn't
It's like someone was blocking the path
I could see the bath:
steaming and waiting for me
But I couldn't get there
I couldn't reach it
I am stuck here in this world
with no heart song
with hardly any heart at all
and I feel something in my chest
that I thought should be pain
but it doesn't quite feel like pain
I am hurt
I am so hurt
But I can't quite cry, I can't release it
and I can't get to my bath
So I sit here, with my heart trying to break
but it can't
with my heart trying to sing
but it has no song
Oh, you were my heartsong
my heart knew you better than it knew me
it embraced you and sung your praises and loved you
loved you without end and more than anyone else
and with me trying to turn my back on you,
with me trying to pull away from you
my heart is confused and it cannot sing and it has no song
I am here and I am empty and I am lost and I am lonely
And I don't quite know what to do or where to turn
and I can't unblock that road
I've always taken painbaths
That's how I deal with my pain
Now I'm hurt and I have no bath and I have no direction
I Don't Know What To Do
My heart whispers
No Song.
No Song.
It screams your name
It longs to sing
But I have taken your name out of my heart
and stolen the song
No heart song
No song
No heart
My chest beats empty