Random Acts of Venting

Yup, I'm ranting. I have every right to say what's on my mind and there is nothing that you can do to stop me. What you CAN do is close this tab on your browser of choice if you do not want to read something that probably applies to you and will definitely piss you off.
Go ahead.
I'll give you time.
...
Ok, if you're still here, then you're ready to read what I have to say. And boy, have I been waiting a LONG DAMN TIME to say it:
ALL YOU TRIFLING MOTHERS OUT THERE:
Please stop using your children for financial gain. Your child should be someone who enhances your life, encourages you to do better with yourself and is someone that you take the time to mold into an asset to society. You are supposed to train your child up in the way that they should go and what you teach them and show them is what they will carry for the rest of their lives.
First and foremost: stop having "baby daddys" and step your standards up and get yourself a husband. If you already have "baby daddys" stop holding your child hostage until your childs father gives you money. I agree that men should be financially responsible for theiir children, but keeping your child away from them because they are late with a payment or don't have the money is hurting your child. You wouldn't stand there and punch your child in the face because you don't have 10 bucks, would you? (if you answered yes, please call CPS and turn your child over) No, you wouldn't and keeping them from their father is the same. this does not apply if the father is abusive or a pedophile. In that case, punch YOURSELF for having a child with that loser.
And stop haing babies so that your welfare benefits go up. I actually met a woman who pointed to her 2 babies and said "you see these two? them my checks!" It's downright pathetic to me that women have these children and expect the government and everybody else to take care of them. Keep your legs closed and your birth control on standby if you don't want, can't afford to have or don't like kids.
ALL YOU STUPID PARENTS OUT THERE WHO STOOD IN LINE TO GET THE CONCORDS:
If your child is under the age of 15 and asked you for the concords and you went out and bought them, shoot yourself. If your child is 16-22 and they asked you for the concords and you went out and bought them, shoot yourself. If your child is 23 and over and they asked you for the concords and you went out and bought them, shoot yourself. A child under the age of 15 who knows enough about shoes and release dates and things like that to ask for a pair of $200 shoes obviously has their minds on the wrong things. You should've taken that money and bought them new books or educational supplies or put it in a savings account for them when they get to college. A child 16-22 is old enough to work and buy their own shoes. Nuff said. A child that asked you after the age of 23 is a grown damn person and should be working to buy their own stuff. Why would a grown person be asking their parent for shoes anyway? That shows a flaw in your parenting. (the shoot yourself statement still applies)
We as parents must show our children better. I am proud to say if you asked my kids what a concord was, they would say an exotic, nearly extinct bird.  (they would be thinking about CONDOR, but they wouldn't say: "the new J's")
TO ALL YOU TRIFLING BABY FATHERS
Why don't you just strap up? No really. Everybody hands out condoms for free and you know you don't wanna wife these rats that you're fucking, so why bring a kid into that mess? Let me tell you one thing:
If she hawked you, talked you up, followed you around, then told you she was on BC and you didnt have to wear a condom, then she's either burning or ovulating. Period.
No self respecting woman will let a man have sex with her without a condom. Diseases run too rampant and we women have sensitive lady parts. We want them clean and disease free. 
Do yourself a favor, save yourself a lot of hood drama and save the happiness of a child you didn't want by strapping up. Every time. Until you put a ring on it.
TO ALL YOU LAZY, TRIFLING, STUPID AND SHIFTLESS WELFARE RECIPIENTS:
Get a job. Just get a job. Stop milking the government and talking about "what? it's free money." These programs are designed for people who need them. They are not meant for you to get pregnant and say "this money is gonna pay for my baby since Ray Ray aint give me no money". That's bullshit. I wish I could kick you off the Pit of Death while screaming THIS IS SPARTA!!!
When you decide to have a child, you should make the conscious decision to provide for that child. If you had sex with a loser who disappeared after you told him the good news, you STILL have to provide for that child (but kick yourself for that stupid decision). I am a person who loves to help people so I am glad programs like TANF and food stamps and daycare vouchers exist. I know plenty of single mothers and fathers who would not survive if they didn't have them. But the difference is that there are too many of you NIGGAS (black white peter rican asian purple orange green,  man woman anything in between, yall all NIGGAS if you won't take care of your seed) abusing the system, making it hard for people who need it to get it. Stop being trifling and get a job. You don't need experience to flip burgers. You don't need a degree to clean buildings. When you EARN your money, you take pride in your purchases. Buying the concords with your welfare check is detestable.
TO ALL THE WOMEN WHO DON'T KNOW WHO THEIR CHILD'S FATHER IS AND ALLOW ANOTHER MAN TO THINK IT BELONGS TO THEM:
There is a special place in Hell for you. Don't worry. You'll see it soon enough. But for right now, you know you're wrong. I'm sure that by the time you spill the beans (if you ever do) that man will love that child so completely that he will continue to care for them, but he will definitely beat the shit out of you. And he should. That offense is right up there with killing puppies and kicking retarded kids. I'm smh. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I know you aren't.

I'm exhausted. I have more, but I will have to touch on it later. If you're mad, so what. Stay mad. It had to be said. So I said it.

The Man Who Wasn't There Part 2

I slept
Soundly at first, because you weren't there
I had wonderful dreams
of success and money and glitz and glamour
I was going to a conference
and I was to meet my husband at the airport
and there you were,
holding my suitcase, with fuschia roses
and a huge smile on your face
"Hey sweetie, ready to go?"
My God
your voice
your voice
you spoke and my whole world stopped
the airport melted away
and I was in your arms
in our bed
our bed
and the things that you whispered in my ear
were the things that I've missed for so long
the things that are only said between lovers
in the darkest hours of the night
and you talked to me the whole night long
your voice and your tongue both in my ear
your hands running familiarly over my body
you inside me, rocking me
rolling with me
controlling me
dominating me
letting me know with every stroke that I belong to you
reminding me with your rhythm that we were made for this
the scene that I've longed for so long
so beautiful
filling that empty space with your love
with your voice
I cry out in passion and fulfilled longing
tears leak from my eyes
happiness and joy and a sense of coming home
of being where I belong saturates me
then the sunlight hits my wet eyes
and I awaken, hugging my pillow
so cold
so alone
you're not here
you're not here
I know where to go to see you
I know where to go when I need you to be mine
But what will I do when you're no longer there?

Internal

I want to take you in me
Inside me
To show you my insides
My blood flow
Show you the things that make me tick
I want to show you how my lungs take in air
then let it out
to show you the electricity of my brain waves
the beating of my eardrum
the wetness of my mouth
the flash of light that my teeth see when I smile
I want you to see my belly
the joy that resides there
how it rumbles from laughter all day long
I must show you my skin, how it's set on fire when you touch it
see the flames in my blood flow?
I want to show you the vibrations of my thigh muscles
the strength in them increased from the frequent squeezing of them to hold you in
I must show you my toes
How they dance and wiggle in laughter
How they curl in ecstasy
How they purr when you're rubbing them
And of course we stop at my waterfall
And even though you've met her quite a few times before
I'm sure the view is more interesting from here
because, see, she melts when you get too close
she floods herself, over and over, the more you touch her
And the shaking vibrations, the squeezing and shuddering are likely to kill her one day
but she loves it
so don't stop
Then I want to show you my heart
Don't be afraid of what you find there, because it is what causes all these wonderful things in my body
Take a look inside my heart
Look in the mirror there
and see what I live for
See what I love for
You are internal...

Random Acts of Poetry: The Man Who Wasn't There

I can't sleep
I strain to keep my eyes open
and my mind alert
I'm not ready to slumber
To allow my mind to go
where it naturally goes
once I let go of it
So I guess it's not that I can't sleep
I simply don't want to
I don't want to see you there
because I can't control what happens
I wonder if you meet me there on purpose
I wonder if that is where you allow your body to say
what your heart feels
where your eyes tell me all your secrets
All the secrets that I know,
but choose not to acknowledge
because to acknowledge means I must act on them
And "acting" isn't something I do well
When I close my eyes to sleep, I see you
You're waiting for me
Always in the corner, almost out of sight
but not quite
Never saying anything, but saying so much
You're waiting for me
I can't help but go to you
Can't help but long to be near you
The longing between us a tangible thing
Loud, so loud
The sound of our loneliness a melody for this dream
If I can hear you this time, I might lose it
I might lose the edge of sanity that I have been holding on to
Because, when I'm sane, I am happy in my life
I do not want you, nor think of you, nor miss you
but I've never been quite sane
I can't help but show my agony when my mind drifts to you
as it always somehow does
I can turn my mind back to reality when I'm awake
but, oh, when I'm sleep
When I'm sleep, I'm yours
completely
We fit together like we were made together
Your fingertips leave trails of fire everywhere you touch me
I burn with a desire that I haven't known since you left
Flames engulf me
Smoke surrounds us
The lonely love song now one of erotic ecstasy
God, how I've missed your body against mine
Your lips on mine, your arms around me,
you inside me
You know it,
your eyes say it, your fingers acknowledge it
I feel it with every move of your body
I lay my head against your chest
I ask you: what took so long?
why won't you come back to me?
why won't you tell me what your eyes are trying to say?
I feel a rumble in your chest
You are going to tell me
I look into your eyes, they pierce me,
they want me to know
I want to hear anything, anything in your voice
say anything to me in your "i-love-you" voice
Tell me you hate me
Tell me I'm trash
Tell me you love me more now than you ever have
say
anything
Your lips part and sunlight shines on my wet face
Tears leaking, body exhausted
I try to get back to sleep, to hear what you wanted to tell me
But I can't
I'm awake, where sanity reigns supreme
And you're not here
You're never here
But I know where you are
and I know where I can see you again

Random Acts of Poetry: Giving

I love you
I opened myself to you
and gave you my love
I gave you:
Me
I gave you my smile
Every heart beat that my heart made
I offered up as a gift to you
The song of my soul became yours
I gave you the brown of my eyes:
both the dark brown when I'm angry
and the light brown when the sun kisses them
I gave you the warmth of my skin beneath cold fingers
I gave you hot kisses and smoldering embraces
But that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my joy:
I stopped my fingers from writing and I stopped my eyes from reading and I took only joy in giving you my joy
I stopped singing loudly to country music and only opened my mouth to sing your praises
but that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my happiness
I stopped spending time in bookstores and libraries and I gave you my time
I stopped seeing my friends and stayed with you
I spent time at home, alone, so that you would know where I was
I gave up my womb to you,
I closed it down because you don't like children
I gave up the laughter of my unborn children for your comfort
but that didn't seem enough
So I gave up my meals
I spent my time hugging my toilet, offering up my insides so that I would look like the women you talk to online when you think I'm not looking
I began to run in circles, running the fat away, running the weight away, so that you can feel my bones when we embrace
You love my bones, you love my fatless frame
But that didn't seem to be enough
So I gave you my sanity
I spend hours upon hours obsessing over who you are talking to
Who are you spending time with
Who is lying beneath you when I am not lying beneath you
Who do you give yourself to
Who are you giving ME to,
because you have me, completely
I no longer have anything, not even myself
I spend my time crying, sobbing, upset, alone,
and lonely
so lonely
so very very lonely
but that doesn't seem to be enough
So I will give you my life.
I sit here with the gun in my mouth.
There is one bullet in the chamber.
I will pull the trigger and give you the only thing I have left.
Maybe my blood, my lifeless form will be enough.
I have nothing left to give.
Why wasn't my love enough?
***What else can you give when you've given your all?***

Might As Well Say It Part 9: The Dire State of Music

Listening to the radio pisses me off:
You hear the same beats (slight variations) and the same rappers (all 4 of them) and the same singers (all 3 of them) and the same things being repeated over and over again (I have so much money! I buy so many cars/jewelry/houses/hoes! Girls like me! Guys hate me! I hate my boyfriend! I love my life! I smoke weed! I have haters! etc)...
What happened to good music? What happened to hearing a song that moves you? Makes you nod your head or even say: "damn! that motherfucker knows just how I feel!"
What happened to music that makes you want to download it immediately (legally) or run out and **gasp!** BUY THE CD?
The answer is: that music doesn't exist mainstream anymore. Every once in a while, somebody breaks out with something awesome that touches you (think: Lady Antebellum, Melanie Fiona, 1 song off od Beyonce's album), but mostly, you get the same recycled crap over and over again. Yes, the beat is catchy and yes, the singer usually sounds acceptable, but what happened to feeling the MESSAGE, not just the beat?
I'm not putting all musicians and artists in the same bucket, because that would be unfair, but its hard for music lovers like myself to want to support some of these artists who have gone after "marketable" instead of "real".
To get real music, you have to buy a mixtape or go underground and find the artists who have yet to be discovered who are holding true to their art form. When you hear Justin Bieber's youtube videos or Lady Antebellum's early youtube stuff, you close your eyes and enjoy every part of it: voices, music, the raw talent they display. Then you go out and buy an album and you get something different: something commercialized. But if you go back and see some Erykah Badu (who almost never changes) and Meshell Ndegeocello, whose music still moves your heart, stimulates your mind and pulls at your pockets, you have hope.
But underground is where it is now. When you hear Raheem Devaughn's albums, you like him, when you cop his mixtapes, you love him. The same for Wale and Eminem and a host of others who "commercialize" for their labels but express themselves in their mixtapes for their fans.
Then you hear some of the new artists, like Legend and Kool Robb out of DMV and you have hope for the future:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF4a0bjkUDE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKuIee1S7SA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wmR42BZGDI

It will give my heart (and ears) great joy to hear some GOOD music on the radio...Most of what you hear now (MOST, not ALL) SUCKS.
It had to be said. The truth, the whole and nuttin but...
Stay tuned.

Random Acts of Poetry: The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

To stop loving you is like telling my lungs to stop breathing

I can hold my breath for 20 secs

30 secs

60 secs

Or more

But at some point,

My lungs will stop listening to my brain

And do what they were made to do

And inhale and exhale again

I’ve tried

Its not possible

Everytime I pull my mind away from you

It goes right back

I talk to you there

In my mind

We have the most interesting conversations

Your arms hold me tight

And you kiss that spot on my neck that I like so much

And I sigh

And indulge myself in that love

I want to stop loving you

But my heart won't let me

My heart wants what it wants

Too bad it wants what it can't have