Random Acts of Poetry: The Chains

I watched you walk in
and the face you showed me was the face of a child
not like the face of an animal
which is what they seemed to want to call you
and you looked ashamed
ashamed that you had brought us here
but you also looked relieved
relieved that we had come
and had not left you to face this alone
and I was holding it all together
Being strong as it always seems I must
That was, until I heard the sound of the chains
You see,
I could remit you to this juvenile jungle they call a center for change
a place for correction
but I could not bear to see the chains
wrapped around your hands and feet
as if you would fight them
as if your fear of them wasnt already apparent
as if you werent a small, skinny, scared little boy
who just so happened to commit a grown mans crime
who just so happened to act on a impulse
that his unbalanced brain made seem like a good idea at the time
and his newly balanced brain told him was a very very
very
bad idea
but the chains
the tinkle of them when you walked or adjusted your stance
or when you raised your hand to say hi
in a discreet way
i wanted to run to you and rip those chains off
those chains are not for my children, they are for other mother's children
they are for the bad children
the lost children
not for a child I walked with in the middle of the night when his teeth were cutting through
not for a child I bathed and sang to (badly, I must admit, but you loved it just the same) and hugged and cherished
there should be no chains on MY child
yet there were
and that's when I knew what I must do:
free you from those chains any way that I could
because no child of mine should be in chains
and no chains on my child should haunt me the way your chains haunt me
it was the chains, my son, that made me see that this is not the life I will allow you to accept.
no chains on my child.

Random so random

When I want to say no to you
My mouth stops working
My tongue goes dry
My teeth glue shut
I cant speak
When I try to walk away
Something strange happens:
My heart stops beating
Like a child that holds her breath until she gets her way
My heart tries to kill me
Until I find my way back to your arms
And my body cant say no to you
Every inch of my skin screams for your touch
I melt under your fingers
You dominate me with every kiss, every stroke every lick
I am utterly yours
And you belong to me and anyone else who takes a fancy to you
I have to share even though I dont want to
*when your partner cheats, the hurt is enough to make you stay, just so that you dont have to be alone*

Random Acts of Poetry: My Heart Song, No Song (so random)

I used to be able to pull into myself
I could retreat deep within myself
Shut the world out
and bathe in my hurt
When the hurtwater got cool, I would emerge with new skin
and fresh eyes and attack the world anew
I no longer posess that ability
I tried to pull into myself
To take my pain bath
and I couldn't
It's like someone was blocking the path
I could see the bath:
steaming and waiting for me
But I couldn't get there
I couldn't reach it
I am stuck here in this world
with no heart song
with hardly any heart at all
and I feel something in my chest
that I thought should be pain
but it doesn't quite feel like pain
I am hurt
I am so hurt
But I can't quite cry, I can't release it
and I can't get to my bath
So I sit here, with my heart trying to break
but it can't
with my heart trying to sing
but it has no song
Oh, you were my heartsong
my heart knew you better than it knew me
it embraced you and sung your praises and loved you
loved you without end and more than anyone else
and with me trying to turn my back on you,
with me trying to pull away from you
my heart is confused and it cannot sing and it has no song
I am here and I am empty and I am lost and I am lonely
And I don't quite know what to do or where to turn
and I can't unblock that road
I've always taken painbaths
That's how I deal with my pain
Now I'm hurt and I have no bath and I have no direction
I Don't Know What To Do
My heart whispers
No Song.
No Song.
It screams your name
It longs to sing
But I have taken your name out of my heart
and stolen the song
No heart song
No song
No heart
My chest beats empty

Random Acts of Poetry: I Give Up (so random)

There will never be a day or time
Where I tell you I don't need you
Where I tell you I don't bleed you
and I dont love you
You are far from perfect
You are more like a stab wound in my heart
That won't heal, that can't heal because you keep stabbing it
My pillow stays wet from tears
and I have never felt more alone in my life
But I love you
and I see the potential in you
And I know the love you have for me
that exists in your heart
and I know that beneath that rough exterior
You love you
You love me
So I won't give up
I am holding on to you
I will never let go
I will never say
I give up
You belong to me and I belong to no one but you

Random Acts of Poetry: Untitled

I'm tired
Deep in my bones I feel a weariness that I cannot explain
It's hard to even drag myself through my days
Every minute is an eternity
and it feels like time will never end
I have given you
everything
everything that I could possibly give one ungrateful person
and now
I'm simply tired
You have drained everything from me
I am empty
and lonely
and I have nothing left
Nothing for you
Nothing for my children
Nothing for myself
I'm tired
I'm tired of fighting a battle that I am destined to lose
I'm tired of giving everything and receiving less than nothing in return
I'm simply tired
I'm ready for sleep

Random Acts of Poetry: Come and See

Come and see
I have something to show you
It is very unlike me to share
but I can't hold this anymore
I cant keep this anymore
I have to unload
I have to unload
I have to give this to someone else
Someone stronger than me
Cant you see my back breaking?
Please come see my curve
The curve of my spine that bends under the weight of this thing that rests on my back
that wont let me rest
that gnaws at me when I close my eyes
Come
Take
My
Load
Come and see
The pain
Oh, the pain
that I cant describe, but I feel all day long
can you hear the song that plays in my head
Come and see my lyrics
See the lyrics of my soul
Shhh, listen:
My soul wants you to hear her
Come and see
and Rest a spell
The dark is closing in on me
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts
and I am afraid
from every corner, from every place
its coming for me
The dark is coming for me
Its coming for me
and I cant get away from it with this load on my back
take my burden please
Take it from me
Just for a while
Let me get away before the darkness takes my load
Before the darkness takes control
Before the darkness takes me
Before it takes me
Before I'm gone
Come and see
Come
and
see
Save me

Random Acts of Poetry: Standing

From my spot on the floor
All I could do was kiss your feet
From my spot of worship
Every part of you filled my life with unspeakable joy
Down here
In the dirt, with the filth
You gave me something to look forward to
Even though you walked over me
Kicked me
Spat on me
I basked in the rain of your spittle
You gave me a reason
You gave me THE reason
To look up
Beneath the rain of blows
Beneath the torrent of abuse
Your harsh words
I thrived
My broken bones mended themselves with strength
Strength that I didn't know could be had
and now I'm standing
I see your face now
It was once hidden by the clouds way up there
from my perch on the floor
and I dont like what I see
Nothing about you brings light to me
Now that I'm standing
I understand that the floor is not where I belong
you kept me there to control me
to make me utterly yours
and I am yours no more
Because now that I stand,
I can see clearly
There is a world that exists beyond your feet
There is a sun that shines when IT wants to,
not when YOU want it to
I hope you take a good look at me
See my smile?
You've never seen that before because you've never given me a reason to show it to you
Take a good
Long
Look
This is the last time that you'll see me
Because now that I stand
I can walk away